Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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