i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
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I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
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I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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