he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of my boobs compel you
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize