I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize