Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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