My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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