I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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