A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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