No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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