you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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