im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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