He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
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I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
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My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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