Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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