i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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