I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize