I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
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It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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