i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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