i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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