We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize