i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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