so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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