so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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