The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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