Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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