College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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