Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
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I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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