Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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