Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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