weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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