the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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