They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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