You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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