you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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