What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize