so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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