I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
is wine microwaveable?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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