I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
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Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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