went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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