apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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