recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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