i already hear my dad disowning me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize