YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
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I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
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