found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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