So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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