Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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