I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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