...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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