Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
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found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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