I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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