so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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